John Cowan - resilient & happy children

John is a  key presenter of Parents Inc. Seminars.  He has a great ability to make people listen.  Using stories, humour and a unique presentation style, he informs, entertains and inspires.  At our AGM on Monday 14th May, he did just that.

John’s key message was that even though our children may have extra challenges because of their cleft, it may end up being to their advantage.  Like extremely shy children, our kids may often develope techniques and strategies that all of us need, but may not have the incentive to learn.  As parents we may be more aware of our need to build resilient, happy children - all positive outcomes for our kids.

Key messages in building resilient children with high self esteem were :

• Unconditional love.  Letting your kids know you are crazy about them, no matter what they are doing. Praise is not always attached to performance.
• Separate behaviours and discipline from who the child is .  We don’t like your behaviour, but we love you.
• The V of love.  Give children age appropriate boundaries and allow them to make their own choices.  This builds their competency and their knowledge that they can do it.
• Don’t save your kids.  Give them the skills to solve their own problems.
• Be realistic and honest with your kids.  John found research into contentment studies of children with cleft.  They identified the main difference between those with high self esteem and acceptance, were those children that had realistic expectations of themselves.  They could look in the mirror and accept and be happy with the image that the world sees of them. 

A sense of self control, a true belief that you are a “good” person is essential for all of us.  John’s use of personal experience, succinct annecdote really inspired all of us to become great parents.

Take a look at the full notes from John’s speech.  It is in the  Discussion Forum, under Growing up.  www.cleft.org.nz/?page_id=25&forumaction=showposts&forum=6&thread=34&start=0

The Support Group would like to thank John for his time and energy.  He did some great research into cleft, and provided a really positive message for families.  We were impressed by his professionalism, empathy and strong clear message.

Thanks also to those families and medical staff who attended.  We can’t organise meetings like these without you coming along.